Nappy Headed Black Child

It has been my study and my observation that the experience of the African descended person in america is dominated by attempting to understand one's identity. This is necessary for any human being but especially for us b/c of the circumstances surrounding the African in the diaspora. Now i could go on for days about that particular topic but however as the topic is Invisibility i would like to deal what those circumstances produce in terms of lived experiences for us. As Ralph Ellison describes in his book



Invisibility is that product.

I am currently Invisible on several levels. I am invisible b/c I am a black man in the midst of white supremacy. I am a black man who refuses the mainstream definitions of value. My way of living make me Invisible to members of my family. Invisible among members of my community. For awhile I was even Invisible to myself.

This invisibility is frankly maddening. Much like the unnamed protagonist such invisibility manifested in my life as attempting to distinguish myself by my merits. I quickly learned that my merits meant little unless i allowed myself to be controlled and manipulated or held up as some fetish object to assuage the guilt of white people who are the heirs, protectors, and propagators of a oppressive past, present and foreseeable future. I was not me i was what was palatable for them.

My other option was to rebel which i did. For a time i reveled in and i mean reveled in a very anti-anything that wasn't black type of attitude. Understanding what I had been separated from, unraveling the lies that had formed the brick and mortar of my life up until that times was traumatic. I was angry, upset and filled with a burning need to know more. I became the protagonist's foil in Ras the Exhorter. As i began to mature if found there was a certain shallowness to that. Ras' invisibility instead of producing an attitude that would direct him to seek status and position within the ranks of an oppressive system. It sent him in the other extreme. In his intense desire to free and empower his people and through that ending his own visibility. However this came at the cost of the visibility of people who did not agree with him. Ras the exhorter essentially became what he was seeking to do away with. This too was unacceptable. And left me feeling fairly empty as i began to see the flaw in the attitudes of the brothers and sisters i had aligned myself with in the rejection of the norms in this society. To see how they were unwilling to deal with these flaw constructively and positively was a deep blow to me. Once again i was found in a situation where I was only welcome as long I made myself palatable

Once again Invisible b/c i dont fit realistically no one really should. That to me at least signals stagnation. But invisibility is a terrible price to have to pay. I recognize im not alone in this but its very easy to feel isolated. Make an effort to reach out to someone and make them know they are visible.